Mad about my Mane (ccTB

Hello World!
SOOOOO since I'm completely obsessed with my natural hair I think it only makes sense that I make a blog about my hair...First disclaimer is that i stole the title of this post from my friend who has a tumbler account called 'mad about my mane' and i thought that was adorable! So shout out to you miss! Anyways I thought I'd share with you my hairstory (haha get it? like history...but not!) ANYways lol.
Well I've always had a ton of hair my mom said i was just a hairy baby. Well lucky me as I grew up it stopped growing all over my body but continued on my head! Which is great cuz i save money on razors! lol. Neways I got a perm when i was in the fifth grade because my mom was through taking care of my mane. She trusted me with the maintenance of it washing and styling for the most part. I unfortunately was one of those unruely little girls that didn't give two shits about how my hair looked. Soo I took horrible care of my hair. It started to break :(...not only did my hair begin to break I was petrified of the process of getting a touchup. I have a sensitive scalp and a crap ton of hair so getting a perm was always a big event. Well when I was in the seventh grade my maid was washing my hair and she didn't have a perm, I asked her how she took care of her hair and if she thought I could do it, and that night I decided I wasn't going to put perm anymore. I waltzed into my parent's room and anounced to them that I would no longer be perming my hair. Don't ask me wat my plan was... all i knew is that perm shit was for the birds and I ain't no vulture (lmbo get it?! deuces!)
So for the next like 5 years I had in braids about 85% of the time. We snipped away at my hair little by little until the permed ends were gone and I've been natural ever since.
Now the issue was that I didn't know how to care for natural hair. I was really a pretty hot mess everytime I tried to rock my hair on its own, so when I got to college I tried the whole texturizer thing. I only put it in twice and after a few washes my hair was back to its lovely nappy state (yes I say nappy...)
So junior year of college seven years since that night when I announced my parents that I was going natural I finally decide to get to know my hair. I spent the first entire year without putting in braids, and I'm currently on about a year three months of what i call project 'you and me'. Project you and me was my year of making peace with my hair. And I must say that it's turned out to be a whole lot more fun than i EVER expected. I mean I've always loved my hair but now im obsessed.

I have two friends who decided to do the big chop last year and began to ask me wat i do to my hair and when i realized I didn't have a real routine nor did i really know wat was good or bad for natural hair I decided to start researching.  I follow people on youtube, mainly a girl named Beautiful Brown Baby doll (her page: http://www.youtube.com/user/BeautifulBrwnBabyDol) i found out what they use in their hair and new hair styles. I'd say that this year I've truelly become a Natural Diva! lol I spend more money on hair products than clothes or food and I spend at least 4 hours a week just messing around with this fabulous mass of curls atop my head. I know the first 6 years of my natural lifetime I didn't rock it much but I'm makin up for lost time big time!
I remember a couple of people told me I should just cut my hair off or perm it since I obviously didn't know what i was doing with all that hair but I could not be more grateful for my headstrong determined self because at 21 I'm reaping the seeds that I sowed so long ago!

I'd put up a pic but...instead this is a pic of my celeb natural crush Shingai Shoniwa of the Noisettes (that's her at the top too) and just in case you don't know her music, its also quite fab! She is a fierce fierce bitch with extra nappy hair and she doesn't hide it nor try to change it to be what it isn't I love her for embracing and rocking every inch of her main in such a classy manor I aspire in her direction....yes it is that deep. I see so many girls trying to fit this perception of beauty that the world has imposed on us, and we are all so afraid to embrace our hair for what it truly is. I can't help but respect someone like Shingai who rocks hers for all its worth. If you're reading this blog and you've got three inches worth of permed hair and you're wondering why your hair won't ever grow maybe its because it's tired of you trying to turn it into to what it was never meant to be. A black woman with long hair is only so rare because we suck at caring for our own...learn your hair! talk to it find out, what it likes and doesn't. Find out what your real curl pattern is! It's so sad that me and my friends in our 20's are just learning how tight or lose our curl patterns are for the first time when we've lived with this on the top of our heads for our whole lives; just neglecting it or trying to make it more like what the rest of the world has taught us is beautiful.
Ok I'll stop ranting. And just a disclaimer I don't have an issue with perm, i think it works for some people just not everyone, and maybe we should stop viewing it as the only option for beauty. My favorite thing about my hair is its amazing versatility I can look like almost any version of a black girl and always return to base. This year Ive learned to live and thrive in my base. I think its a process of loving on yourself that every woman should go through because its truly healthy and encouraging.

A step in the right direction

So its been a few months since my last rant so I figure I should come talk at the world again. So i've got boys on my mind. I might have mentioned in one of my last blogs I am one of those super rare hottie 20 year olds that have never had any romantic anything worth mentioning ever, and if you were to ask me why about a month ago I would say its because it just never happens, or that 'guys have an inexplicable silent understanding to stay away from me' But I had a bit of an epiphany and realized that I've kind of been dodging any type of romantic liaison like I owed them child support! lol. I've liked a number of great guys and NEVER showed any proof of interest and swore to shoot any friend of mine who thought they would go play match maker for me...and this past year i've done a remarkable job finding something anything wrong with a guy who would show interest, and thus far I have been amazingly successful at it. And I know I can't blame my lack of romantic invovlement all on my dodging habit but at least 50% of it.
Recently some boy I went to highschool with has been trying to get me to go on a date with him and I have all types of reasons why I won't say yes but in thinking about it I realized that my main reason why I wouldn't date this cat is that the thought of going out with him and than actually liking him out loud kinda freaks me out. Especially since I'm pretty sure this kid talks to about 14 girls a week which would only make me one of many. But is there really anything wrong with going on a date with a nice boy that doesn't want to make you his wife? Probably not, especially since I definitely don't want to marry anyone in the near future.
My sister always asks me where they went wrong with me cuz I always over think EVERYTHING that has to do with boys...but I mean can you blame? I've had crushes that have litterally crushed my feelings and they didn't even know they were doing it I can only imagine its about 48million times worst when it gets real. And I know that it getting real does not mean feelings won't get hurt it just means they'll hurt more. somewhere i'm convinced that every guy that tells me I'm cute before they get to know me has the end goal of screwing me over.....wow blogging u learn things about yourself. Apparently dryeyes is a skeptic...big time!
So in an effort to change this little dodger routine thats landed me nowhere (not even heartbreak free) I decided to give this kid my phone number. Its most likely not going to end in a beautiful love story or even a date; but if I can convince myself that all boys that approach me don't plan to ninja chop my heart and serve it as a salsa dip at their next dinner party then I'll consider that a step in the right direction.

Another Rant: Cali?

hello world wide web!

It's DryEyes comin' at you on this lovely day in the middle of finals week. As I push through the last few exams of my junior year I thought I'd take a moment to come and talk at you for a bit. I've been thinkin' bout my life a lot of late, and about what I really really want, what would really make me happy after graduation especially because I'm still convinced the end of the world is just moments away. Last year if anyone asked me what I wanted to do after college my answer would be 'pay back my loans!' Lol sad but true, ever since freshmen year the thought of paying back my loans is all that graduation seems to bring to mind. Lately I've been thinking that maybe the world might end before SallieMae finds my new adress so I've got to come up with a plan B.

So I came up with two things I'd Really like to do next year. First I've decided to move to California and go to art school for photography. I was like a fake photography minor in college but nothing really worth mentioning. Anyways in thinking of all my options I can't think of anything that would make me happier than just taking a ton of photography classes. Yes, that means more loans but o well we'll figure all that out later. Why Cali you may ask, well first of all cuz Greece is WAY too far and cuz its warm and...well I don't really have any really good reason other than those two but let the wind blow me where it may, right? Life is too short not to do what makes me smile..and Cali makes me smile!

Number two on my list is still to fall madly in love with some insanely sexy/funny/smart/responsible.....yes i said responsible, responsibility is sexy as ish lol. Show me a man that runs ish and I'll show you a man that I'm willing to spoon with lol. I know it's lame but men also make me smile :)

I'm still trying to convince myself not to punk out on my Cali dreams and that they're actually gonna happen. The idea of moving soooo far away from my family FREAKS me out but I have a sister who moved to Africa in december and while I miss her I envy the mess out of her cuz she's seeing the world and we're not going anywhere we'll still be around when she comes back. I think I owe it to the bored adventure hungry 14 yr old inside of me to do something waaay out of my comfort zone. See when I was fifteen I moved to the Greater Philadelphia area and while it was nothing like Haiti....it wasn't all I wanted it to be there was nothing sexy about the house I moved to or the friends I made. College was fun but Definitely didn't live up to all the daydreams i had about college life the summer of senior year. Maybe I should give it up and realize that life is just not that fabulous and no matter where I go this is it....Nah i gotta give the world at least one more shot to prove its awesomeness to me lol. So let's go Cali show me what you got!

Dry Cry

So this is not a blog meant to entertain or even expose the world to my hidden talent as a great writer, quite the opposite. I was told I to journal...but I don't really believe in having my thoughts written down somewhere someone too close to me can find them. So I blog, with no name and no face. Those of you reading this might no my inner most thoughts or whatever but you don't know my face so I win! I'm actually 100% ok with the thought that no one in the world will ever read this, to me these are just words that I need to get off my chest "...get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to." haha thats a little Anna Nalik for you.
Ok so a bit about me I'm in college and my life is HARD! I say it all the time just to remind myself that I'm not just going crazy in vain. Born in the US raised in Haiti, survivor of the January 12th earthquake, and even though I'm not in Haiti anymore that mess of an earthquake has shaken my life up like I didn't know anything in the world was allowed to!
I'm going by DryEyes because for the past month or so I haven't been able to produce a single tear for the life of me. I googled it and found an article that said people can get to 'such a severe level of depression that their emotions are flattened and they lose the trigger that starts the crying circuit.' Thats where I'm at unfortunately.
I hate to cry I look a mess, I feel silly and it makes my throat hurt, but right now I would pay big bucks to just blubber like an idiot for a good twenty thirty minutes. O well! My dad doesn't cry I used to want a husband just like him, strong man no tears, but now that I'm here I wouldn't really wish it on anyone. Tears are theraputic, and no matter what you do shout, scream, sing, run, or even blog; nothing beats a good cry.
The crazy thing is that when I was little I had a policy of 'saving my tears' I thought you could run out of them if you just walked around crying for any stupid reason, so I would pick and choose which moments were tear worthy and I would only cry a sensible amount for each event. Not really sure how i measured what warranted how many tears but it seemed to work for the past 20 years. Anyways now that I finally have a legitimate reason to use up all those tears I'd been saving up my whole life they are no where to be found. I remember the day I came back from Haiti, on Jan. 17th, I cried all day long and the next few days I was just water works I gave Splash Mountain a run for its money! I guess that little girl inside of me got fed up and I passed my limit of tears for this particular disaster :/. Well twenty year old me begs to differ. Give me my tears back danmit!
I grew up in Haiti which automatically means I'm a soldier. You don't get to grow up in that beautiful little country of mine and be oblivious of the FACT that life is HARD! I've had my share of shitty years 2004 takes the cake; or at least i thought it did, 2010 is definitely giving it a run for its money. I don't know if its cause I'm more aware of everything going on around me or the world is just seriously ten times harder to deal with then ever before. But to quote Dory I've just got to 'keep swimming!' Towards what? I have absolutely No idea. I graduate next year and get the lovely priviledge of facing all those college loans I took out, still smacking myself for not going to a state school. Everyone says grad school is the place to be but hmmm idk if what I really need is two more years of papers and loans and boring lectures.
Everyone says college is supposed to be the best time of your life, well if that is true....wow. THAT SUCKS! i mean dont get me wrong i like my school and i've made some great friends, but if this is it I'm gonna have to smack someone really hard! I suppose thats my fault for not taking full advantage of the funships at my disposal. I decided to be an RA and a straight edge and all involved with student groups, and not get a fake ID and get drunk every Thursday through Sunday like the rest of my peers. But I'm just praying to Jesus that all of my hard work will pay off later on down the road....if there is a later on down the road left for me. I'm convinced its the end of the world and do you know how much of a depressing thought that is for someone like me. Maybe I'm shallow but, I am SOO not ok with the world ending in the next week to two years. I am not done I haven't even started! I am I think the only pretty cute, smart, funny, trilingual, charming, sexy (yes I said sexy, if I don't love myself for me who will) 20 year old girl who has not had any version of a love life EVER! I mean I know I haven't been proactive about it but if I die or the world ends without someone ever deciding to go out of their way to fall in love with me outloud (cuz idk if neones done it secretly lol) I will be some type of UPSET! I've got plans for my future I've named my three children already, and I'm still trying to figure out what country i'm going to raise them in. And that's not even supposed to happen till I'm like 30 because my 20's are Mine! I'm going to travel the world be a journalistic photographer or something exotic. The world is not allowed to end without giving me my sixty years of happy! It stole my happy highschool years from me with all that political bullshit and insecurity going on in Haiti. I had to move to the states to a school with a TON of assholes! Then I went to college and the world kept fucking with me, now there was an earthquake, somebody stole my tears...and the world wants to end before making it up to me!? that's just crazy talk! I'm not standing for it! WORLD owes me sixty years of uniterrupted just sexy happiness, I just wanna walk around smiling just cheesing from ear to ear for sixty years I deserve it danmit!
Ok so I just went on for about thirty years not even sure any of that made any sense but I think I feel better which is what the point of journaling is right?
SO DryEyes signing off for now!